Thank God for Siblings.

September 26^th, 2012

My writing has started to become more and more scarce these days. But, today when I was speaking to my brother – I asked him why he didn’t start writing. I think his life, and that of our family is absolutely book worthy. What I realized while telling him that, was that I miss writing, myself. Writing has always been my outlet. I have diaries from grade 7 to prove it, ha!

I have been going through a bit of an internal struggle lately. Some of you reading this will just read like a broken record because I have been having trouble with this decision for a long, lonnng time now. When I moved to Australia, I made a pact with myself that I was staying for only a short time. I wouldn’t make too much of an effort to make lifelong friends, just “travel buddies”. I told myself not to build any strong relationships, get in too deep with a job, but to just enjoy my day to day “holiday” for the year. But …. Of course, once again, I refuse to follow even my own rules. I have built a life here in Melbourne. A Monday-Sunday, real life. Sometimes I wonder if it is even a real life? … This city, country, and the people only know a year of me. Back home, there are 21 whole years of history, relationships, family, friends. But my life here is real, almost too good to be true. I spent a few solids months missing home, and putting up with Melbourne “winter” (which was really quite cold to be honest). Since then though, I have made some really great friends and met some remarkable people. I have gone through a lot of tough times here, opened myself up, and allowed people in. I have only four weeks left here until I am supposed to be on a plane to Southeast Asia. I should’ve booked my flight months ago, but I have been putting it off. Each day, I see “LOOK UP FLIGHTS” on my to-do list, and each day I just stare at the writing and decide to figure it out some other time. Now, its crunch time. I have less than 30 days in my new life, my little dream world. Its scary. Its sad. But, I guess it is life. I think leaving here will only make me a stronger person, encourage me to face another fear; the fear of leaving people behind, saying goodbye. Life is hard, but life is wonderfully hard. I wouldn’t be so sad leaving if I didn’t truly have the time of my life out here in my little imaginary world. It so mind boggling that I can never unite my life at home and my life in Australia. Most of the people here I have met and become close with are not all Australian, so even if I came back one day, I bet half of them would be gone too. Sometimes it is crazy to sit here in my apartment and feel so content being halfway across the world from “home”. Just recently Melbourne has felt like home. I feel comfortable here. Such a strange feeling from a few months ago.

I’m starting to just face the facts. Face the truth. I am leaving this country in 4 weeks for a long time. I may be back one day, but I may not. I need to move on from being sad about it and start becoming excited about spending 8 weeks in Asia. My Asia trip was the most exciting part of my entire journey when I left Canada a year ago. I couldn’t wait to get 8 weeks in Asia, relaxing on a beach, doing yoga and swimming in the ocean. But now, the thought of going makes me so upset that Asia doesn’t seem so exciting anymore. It makes me anxious a little. To be honest, I start to sweat just thinking about leaving here. It’s hard. But who said life was easy, anyway? Nobody. I am really trying to focus on walking off the plane on Decemeber 18^th in Toronto. I picture my family there with signs (you all better be there with signs and flowers and hugs and kisses), and I HOPE and pray that at that point I feel a little more comfort in my decision to leave Australia. Overall, my time here has really been some of the best times of my life. I would not change anything throughout my journey so far. Do I regret not being there for my family at points in the last few months, yes. Do I feel anxious about leaving Australia and embarking a whole new adventure, yes. Am I afraid that I will never see most of the people here again, yes. BUT … I always preach life is what we make it. If I want to come back, I can make it happen. I need to experience, I need to grow. My journey here is a part of the process. Right now is nowhere near the end of my journey.

The light at the end of the tunnel for me, is the fact I will come home at Christmas. The best time of year. I will be able to hold my family and really tell them how much I value and have missed them. I will be able to sit with my grandmother and be there for her… I will get up to shenanigans with my cousins, and invade everyone’s space I’m sure. I am looking forward to reuniting with my bests, laughing with them until my insides hurt. Having fp times with Nicole, drinking too much wine, cuddling with Britt… mm. All of the things I haven’t had for a year. I can have a “girls and gays” night in Toronto in my new house. Pez will be my roommate! I can cuddle my little baby, Charles Morgan and remind him who his momma is. Oh, Christmas. I can’t wait to give everyone all of the presents from Asia and my travels. Go to a Red wings game with my Papa, and a Detroit Lions game with Joey (I better be coming this year!). It’s the little things and the extraordinary people that I miss the most. I’m sure it will be the little things and the extraordinary people that I miss the most about Australia too. What I’ve also come to realize is that it’s okay to miss things. It just means that the things you miss have made a significant impact on your life. Even if not your day to day life, missing something or someone acknowledges that they had a positive effect on you, made you happy, even just for a second. I’ve also had someone recently tell me that I am too happy. That was really the first time anyone has ever said “too happy” with a negative connotation. I think I am yes, young and naïve. But you’re only young and naïve once, so I may as well be the happiest I can while I am here. I hope all of you are doing the same, waking up every morning and choosing to be happy. Sometimes life gets rough and we have to make hard decisions, go through some really hard times. But life could always be worse. It could always be harder. If you are reading this, you should know that through those hard times at least you have me to support you. And I have you. We all have each other. Life would be miserable with no one to love or care about. Thank you for allowing your eyes and ears to be my outlet. My macbook sure as hell gets a lot of heat from my fingertips on days like this. I don’t know if I would be so happy or so peaceful without a proper outlet. And thank you, to those of you who allow me to vent constantly, complain, and repeat myself a dozen times. I really do appreciate you. I’m sure just reading my blogs sometimes is exhausting. But my only hope is for whomever reading this can take even just a bit of my words with them. I hope to maybe even inspire one or two people. Whether it’s to travel, smile a little bigger, love a little more, appreciate the little things. Life is too short to spend it in a tiny box. Go find your own imaginary world. Get out there… listen to plenty of music and see plenty of movies, too. OH, listen to “Hello, I’m In Delaware” by City and Colour., and maybe the whole Dallas Green collection. Those are always good.

‘Till Next Time… 

Thank God for Grandpa's.

I haven’t written in a LONG time. Mostly, because I have just had a same-old, work, sleep, work , sleep lifestyle. There aren’t too many updates right now but I miss having my blog as an outlet, so here goes.

Since the last time I wrote I spent a week in Fiji with Tarik, and then took three weeks off to travel up the east coast of Australia.Fiji was one of the most relaxing vacations I have ever had. Other than our drunken nights, most of our days, Tarik and I spent lounging on the most beautiful beaches. We only spent two days on the mainland in Nadi before we started our island hopping adventures. Our first stop was Mana Island. We stayed in a little cabin type villa right on the beach and met some awesome roommates. We originally were only supposed to spend 3 nights on Mana Island, but shortly turned into 5. One of the days Tar and I spent about two hours walking along the coastline of the island. We had a few hurdles along the way and good sunburn at the end of our trip, but it was one of the best excursions ever! Hands down the best part of my trip was spending time with my brother… but I think our favourite part of the week was learning how to dive together. Tarik has always been a little fish in the water, but I on the other hand, would never have thought to go diving. I would rather curl up with a book on the beach anyday. It was our roommate Chelsea who really convinced me to do it. We had gone snorkeling right off the shore of Mana and saw so many awesome fish and coral. The dive instructors said the snorkeling there was about 20 times worse than diving…. So it was a no-brainer. We spent the morning doing basic skills and simple exercises in the water right off the shore and then took a 20 minute boat ride out to Cast Away Island. If you didn’t get it by the name, it was the island Cast Away was filmed on. We got to do a 25 minute dive… and I even got to tip backwards off the boat like in the movies! I spent the first 20 minutes freaking out underwater. No one could tell, but I just spent 20 minutes telling myself it is alright, breathe, blah blah blah. Its so weird being down there, just you and the water. If, god forbid anything were to go wrong … good luck, Tara. Anyway, our instructor took us down on a rope, had us clear our ears and all that good stuff. Then we were free to roam the ocean. This was the best part. Tarik took off immediately, obviously. And I opted to stay close to the boat, searching for coral and giant fishies. Needless to say, we had such a great time and experience doing this together. I was not confident at all in my underwater abilities, and to be honest I don’t think I would have ever gone diving without Tarik there holding my hand. He even gave me warnings before the skills in the shallow water that I would hate it and just to calm down. Ahhh, seeing my brother was such a breathe of fresh air. If I could relive that vacation 1000 times over, I would. I just miss them so much!

I got back to Australia with a few days to work, unpack, and repack. About four days later, Kenny and I started our trip up the east coast! First, Kenny and I flew to Brisbane, where I got to spend some time with an old friend … Miss Lizbith Baugh. I had such a great time. It’s so nice to have friends that you don’t see for years and you are able to just pick up where you left off. From Brisbane we rented a campervan for 21 days and started to drive up the coast. We went about 2,000 km’s in total. Our first 10 days were pure rain and clouds. We didn’t see the sun once until about day 11. BUT, when the sun did come out it was like a whole new vacation. About two weeks into the vacation, Kenny and I went to Magnetic Island, just off the coast of Townsville Australia. The island was a different world than that of Australia. It had a western vibe, obviously, but was laid back and just so beautiful. We spent three days here, enjoyed the sun shining, and did some exploring.  Our last day though, Kenny and I were meant to return our rental car at 5pm. We were only 3 kilometers from the rental place, when we got into an accident. The roads on Magnetic were similar to the roads in Bermuda. It’s like driving on a mountaintop, with one side a cliff and the other a rock wall. Pretty exhilarating to drive down these winding roads. BUT… Kenny and I had the music blaring, my hands in the air, when an ambulance came shooting past us. We moved over, a bit too far, and ended up riding the railing right on the cliff of the road. Because we were so close to the edge the back end of our car caught some gravel, lifted off of the ground, and shot us right into oncoming traffic. I don’t know how it all happened but by some grace of God the oncoming car was just a little sedan. Both cars weren’t drivable in the end, but we all walked away with only a little bruising and some sore muscles. The next four hours after the crash were a blurr.. a blurr that ended up costing about $2000. Lucky for us, we only had a few days left of our vacation. We got right back out there, finished our trip and spent our last day on the Great Barrier Reef. Throughout our trip we went snorkeling three times and diving once. Our dive in Carins and the great barrier reef was the most amazing experience. A small boat took us about 50 feet from the yacht and we were able to just float and swim back with the current. We saw HUGE fish that came right up to our faces, really big turtles, and two sharks. Yep, sharks. We came to one really big reef … I figured this was where the turtles live, so I swam right up to it. Little did I know, a shark would come out of the reef and swim right underneath me. I think I was peeing my pants at the time, and trying so hard not to hold my breath. Either way, it was a big big biggggg step for me and such a great way to end our holiday.

Since we’ve been back we’ve  been working a LOT and have been focused on spending more time with friends in Melbourne and doing more Melbourne exploring. We realized when we were traveling that we haven’t done most of the “Must do” things in Melbourne and have just been working and living inside our little bubble too much. We have been on a roll until last week when both of us had the winter sickness. (yes, it is winter in Melbourne, yuck). We were both coughing, sneezing, fevering and nasty for about four days. I finally started to feel better and get over it and life hands me another smack in the face. I’m sure if you read my blog, you may have come across my facebook or some sort of social media – and already know. If not, this past week my grandpa went into heart surgery. The surgery went really well, according to the doctors, but when he was supposed to wake up about 4 hours later, he never did. It took another whole day to figure out what went wrong, was he going to wake up? When? Will he be okay if he does wake up? .. In the end of things, grandpa had suffered a massive stroke during or just after the surgery and if he did wake up, he would have severe brain damage and limited mobility. Obviously, with me being as far as you can get from Canada, I had to hear all of this via facebook, voicemails, the whole bit. My whole family gathered at the hospital and decided it was best to cut life support. It is all just happening really fast. One minute I have an email from his saying “see you at Christmas”, the next minute I am seeing articles about his legacy in the Windsor Star. (http://blogs.windsorstar.com/2012/08/23/terry-murphy-musician-and-firefighter-dead-at-78/)  It’s a lot to handle from 9237401703 km’s away, and I am dealing with it the best I can. My family probably won’t be happy I am posting my life story on the internet, but being so far away I don’t have many outlets. I just wish more than anything that I could be home. I looked up flights the moment I found out, and the shortest journey was 26 hours just one way. To be honest, I probably would have made it just in time for the funeral, but would have missed the showings, and traveling 26 hours in my state probably wouldn’t be the best idea. Despite my anger and confusion with the whole situation, I am overwhelmed by the amount of love and support that I have received. The Windsor community and people I have never met have sent me messages about my grandfather and what an inspiration he was. It is really an honour to be his granddaughter and I am really so proud of him. I just wish that I had some closure. It feels like we are planning a birthday party, or an anniversary party for grandma and grandpa. There is almost no part of me that thinks of what's happening as grandpas funeral. Even when I write it or say it out loud, not one ounce of me believes that... Its so weird. Maybe one of these days I will wake up and realize he won’t be home when I get there… Maybe I won’t understand until I go home in December. Everyone has their own process, its just that most often the process is helped with the funeral, showings, and family by your side. Unfortunately, in my case I have to adjust and grieve in an unorthodox and unfamiliar way. If anything, I feel grateful that I have such a close-knit family and such a strong bond with so many people back home. I am going through the day to day motions here, but my head and heart are all back home. It will take time I’m sure, but I will be just fine. Thank you to everyone for supporting me and helping me through yet another one of life’s hurdles. I appreciate now more than ever the relationships I have and all of the people in my life. I only hope I can impact the world like my grandpa did. Here are some photos of us in the last year! They make me smile. .. 

Gma and gpa. 

All the cousins! 

These are just the best grandparents in the world. 

Till Next Time … 

Thank God for Graham Crackers and Clamato Juice

Hello again!

This post may bring a little more positivity than the last few. I was encountering a quarter-life crisis, but all it took was a few thousand dollars of trip money to get my head back on straight (Ridiculous, I KNOW!). BUT, the truth is, I am a little traveler at heart – and I need the sunshine in my life. As crazy as it sounds the sun makes a huge difference in my daily life and attitude. It shouldn’t, I know “we choose our own attitude, etc etc etc”. The one I choose has sunshine in it, a little Vitamin D everyday goes a long way I have learned. SO, will all of that said – I have a few weeks of sunshine ahead. But before that a few things to finish. Here is a snapshot view of my life in the next month.

(I apologize for my excitement. I cant stop smiling inside because this is what I really came across the world for, adventures. Not school! School was just the excuse to drag Chris and Kenny here, shhh.)

Okay, so.

This week June 10-June 16.

All about exams, baby. Because all my brother talks about is his 4.0 GPA and straight A’s, I figured I may as well have something to fire back at him. So, I have been studying all week for exams. In Canada, it is easy to do my version of studying, which is use my gift of a great photographic memory, stare at my notes for a short period of time, and have good enough hypothesis to guess multiple choice questions correctly. In this country, I won’t be so lucky. The exams are actually about applying the information and solving real problems and situations, therefore hard to bullshit. So I have a lot of work to do. This Friday is accounting. I’m hoping I can go back to Mr. Castagnas class (you all know what I’m talking about), and find the inner accountant in me. To sum this week up, minimal work, maximum studies.

Next week June 17-23^rd.

 This week is about freedom. Well, after Wednesday. Monday will be my final study day with exams on Tuesday and Wednesday morning. At 11:30 when I finish my finance exam on Wednesday, Kenny will pick me up in our new car (just kidding, our rental car). Then for our “anniversary” (I say that lightly, because we don’t really know when it all began), we rented a cottage in Mornington Peninsula! It is so lovely there. Wine country, and this amazing hot spring and spa we are going to. Also, a little sidenote – the cottage we rented has 14 beds. The lady asked us to tell everyone to bring their own linen. Funny thing, theres only two of us, and one set of linen. Thank god for the 14 beds though, we needs those! No, but really it will be so nice to get away – into the nature and beaches. So many littler wineries and cool hiking spot up there! So, Wednesday-Friday is our “breakation” (we have a break so we take a vacation) and then back to the city for a weekend of tending bar. This week is the beginning of my new adventures, and I cant wait!

June 24^th-June 30^th.

Saturday, June 23^rd I will stumble in from work at about 5-6am as per usual. But THIS TIME instead of eating a shwarma and passing out, I will finish packing and go straight to the airport! (Im hoping to convince Kenny to rent a car for an hour and drive me … we’ll see how that goes). More realistically, I will take the shuttle bus and arrive at the airport for about 7am. I will check in, take a nice 5 hours snooze on the plane and wake up in FIJI, AGAIN! Yes, if you read back to January I say only dirty things about Fiji and my hatred for the country. I also think I said I will (and quote) “Never spend a dollar of my money supporting that manipulative country”. But the reality is, like I said, I am a sunshine girl. And Fiji has sun, which means I can get over my fear of dying in another Fiji hurricane and go for it. I also bought my brother an early birthday (and Christmas and next years birthday) present, a flight to meet me in Fiji! Also, it was kind of my way of getting over my homesickness. A little family fix is exactly what I need. Anyway, This week is all about family time and some R&R. Our plan is to laze around, snorkel, and do absolutely nothing for 10 days.

July 1^st-July 7^th

This week is great, because guess what – IM STILL IN FIJI! Tarik leaves me on the second to get back to work, and I stay until the night of the 3^rd. I think I arrive back in Melbourne at 10pm Tuesday night. I will unpack, have a weekend of work, and physically prepare for more adventures. (When I say physically, I mean probably do not much and maybe pack). This week is about reorganizing and re-gathering myself.

July 8^th-July 26^th.

I know what you’re thinking, July 8-July26 is more than a week! Well, that is because it is all one big adventure. On July 8^th, Kenny and I will pick ourselves up after a weekend of work and fly to Brisbane. (about halfway up the coast). We are going to spend a few days in Bris and the pick up our motorhome/campervan. We have a camper rented for 21 days and are planning on driving all the way to the Great Barrier Reef in Cairns. Apparently, (and HOPEFULLY) it is still tropical weather up the coast. We don’t have too much of a plan as far as how many days in each place, etc. But there’s one thing we are good at, winging it. We can’t even walk down the street somewhere before we change our minds six times and then end up buying all the items to make smores instead of going out for a nice dinner. And BY THE WAY, Australians don’t know what smores are. Nor do they have anything similar to graham crackers at the grocery store. We literally stared at the crackers/cookies aisle for about 12 minutes before saying “WHERE ARE WE”. The grocery store attendants insisted we wanted “grain” crackers. After asking three different people, we bought crackers that looked relatively delicious and hoped for the best.

I know I got a little sidetracked there, but lets be honest. They’re just graham crackers. And as I’m talking about the lack of good food in Australia, I should mention that they do not have chicken wings or nachos ANYWHERE in Melbourne. Oh wait, they had nachos on the menu down the street and I got a tiny bowl with chips and salsa. If anyone knows where I can get decent honey garlic wings and real nachos in this country please let me know as soon as possible. But the best news ever is, we paid $60 because we were in dire need of clamato juice, and it finally came!! Delivery in four days (USAfoods.com everyone, take note). Last night, we made gourmet (well mediocre, but delish) sandwiches and had good ole’ Canadian ceasers. I thought about bringing the clamato to work and making them for everyone in sight, but then I got selfish and decided I needed all four jugs to myself. Again, ridiculous I know. Anyway. I just got home from Yoga and to be honest, I am only writing so that I don’t have to stare at any more accounting notes. But I have steak waiting to be cooked and salad ready to be eaten.

I love and miss you all. And Jessica Thompson, if you are reading this – sometimes I boycott your facebook because of all the fun you are having that I am missing out on. When burning man comes, I may just have to delete your account. Im kidding, but really I’m jealous and miss you.

Thank God for Graham crackers and clamato juice.

Till Next Time … 

Thank God for Buddhism

Hi guys! 

Everything here has been wishy washy lately. I think I may be going through a quarter life crisis. I am quite homesick and frankly, tired of the Melbourne weather. I have been working two jobs for a few weeks now, still bartending at Ladida and now working during the day in a Cafe right underneath my apartment building. So convenient, but who would've ever thought I'd like the "day shift"? NOONE. I still do not speak for the first hour or so when I arrive at work - still waking up, ha. A big change compared to the one day shift a month I worked at Jacks. Wont be long though. Mom's advice to me this week was to quit both of my jobs now and spend my money. A great suggestion, and I may take it! Afterall, what did I work the last seven years for? Everyone deserves indulgence, and I have worked hard - so indulge I will! As of now, however, with all of my mental breakdowns lately I am planning on taking a getaway in a couple of weeks - either flying myself and my brother to Fiji for a week, or taking a small trip by myself to Perth (westcoast of Australia). I really need a little retreat right now, so either place should do the trick. 

Pros and Cons to both, but ultimately if Tarik is able to get the time off work and up for a trip, I will have a flight to Fiji with his name on it! I am in dire need of a family fix, and a week with my brother will absolutely do the trick. I also considered going to Spain, because one of my best friends Bri is spending two months there, AND my family will be in Barcelona in July on a cruise! That would've been ideal, but is a whole plethora of adventures I am not sure Id be ready for. Also, the flight is $2400, and I only have about a week - not really the EuroTrip I had in my head. Either way, a week out of the rain and confinement of Melbourne will be lovely. 

As far as school, Ive done really well this semester. Almost all A's, (Shocking I know!). I have my exams in about two weeks, only three of them: Business Accounting, Personal Finance, and Strategic Management. For my philosophy class, which I have been ranting and raving about for ages now - I had to write an essay on one of the philosophical topics we covered in class. I decided to write about Buddhism and the effects of meditation. I think it is a good read for everyone, so I am posting my essay on here! It had some unusual criteria like relating the philosophy to a personal experience, and discussing some of our class lectures in the essay, so those parts aren't so informational. However, I still think it is a good example of the Buddhist way of life, one which we should all be practicing! 

I hope you enjoy my essay and maybe learn something. I will keep updates on my travel plans and hopefully my quarter life crisis will cease by the next time I write. I love and miss you all - also please send good energy to my father who has surgery this week, my grandfather who is in and out of the doctors office, and my oldest brother who had spinal surgery and is still going through a difficult time. OH! And my mom lost her cell phone, so if you have any good energy left after my father grandfather and brother, send her some too ;). Love and Miss you all. 

Till Next Time...  

Here it is, enjoy! 

Buddhism, Meditation, and Happiness

Word Count: 1380

Happiness, Buddha once said, is actually quite simple: The secret is to want what you have and not want what you don't have. Simple though it may be, it is definitely not easy. Buddhism is a relgious faith, a moral code, and ultimately a philosophy. The philosophies of Buddhism offer a practical diagnosis of suffering individuals based on compassion and spiritual insight. Buddha’s grand gesture, so to speak, is to guide one to a life of enlightenment and happiness.

Buddhist philosophies have taken on a very Socratic approach, claiming the unexamined life isn’t a life worth living. In order to examine life, it is essential to examine and discover your true self. Buddha teaches there are two overlapping natures in each person. The first is referred to as the ordinary nature made up of fear, insecurity, and anger. The other side is known as true nature made up of wisdom, perfect, and raw emotion. The path to enlightenment is designed to bring out your true nature, and diminish the suffering that comes with ones ordinary nature. Particularly through Buddha’s path to enlightment he found his true nature and discovered that existence has three characterists, known as the Three Universal Truths: Nothing is lost in the Universe, Everything changes, and there is a Law of Cause and Effect. The first truth is based on compassion and the idea that we are an integral part of everything around us. Buddha uses a dead leaf as an example. A dead leaf turns into soil, which helps a plant grow, which spread seeds, which helps more plants grow, etc. etc.  His example is to illustrate the importance of EVERY living thing, objects that should never be harmed. Buddha’s second universal truth recognizes that the only constant we have in life is the assurance that there is change. People will change, our positions will change, our ideas change, and furthermore our lives change. By embracing change, it is much easier to find happiness in the present. Finally, Buddhas third universal truth defines Karma. Karma is the idea that “what goes around comes around”, and that everything that happens in your life is based on what you did earlier. Overall, understanding the Thee Universal Truths is essential in understanding Buddhist philosophy. Buddha  found that these three truths will guide the journey to enlighenment and diminish suffering.

The “suffering” Buddhism focuses so intently on refers to how attachment and self-indulgances hinder ones true nature and happiness. Attachments are part of ones consciousness and limit your vision, knowledge, freedom and awareness. Buddha saw the best way to find happiness was to rid both material attachments as well as mental attachments. Robert Miller agreed in our lecture by stating, “philisophical enlightenment is to be found in rejecting attachments and liberating oneself from them”.

In order to liberate yourself from suffering completely, Buddhists acknolwedge the Four Noble Truths. The Four Noble Truths simply recognize; there is suffering, there is a cause to the suffering, the suffering has an end, and there is a way to reach the end. The Four Noble Truths is Buddhas outline of identifying suffering and ultimately eliminitating it, through the eightfold path. The Eightfold path is designed to end all suffering and remove all elements in life that hinder ones happiness. It incorporates wisdom, ethical conduct, and mental development through eight “rights”; right view, right intention, right speech, right action, right livlihood, right effort, right mindulness, and right concentration. According to Buddhist philosophy,  travelling down the eightfold path will provide the ablility to find enlightenment and ultimately, true happiness.

Although the Four Noble Truths and the eightfold path to enlightenment are heavily established Buddhist philosophies, “meditation is really the centerpeice of Buddhist practice,” (“About Buddhism”, 2011). Meditation is a means to develop the mind of insight, focus, concentration, and clarity. Most importantly, meditation harmonizes the mind AND the body and positively impacts both mental and physical health. The practice brings out inner quality as a source of peace and happiness, while increasing sharpness and vitality. Oxford Universities handbook of positive psychology identifies one of the main goals of meditation as, “uncovering the positive and catalyzing our internal potential for healing and development” (Shaprio et al, 2002). Their study also suggested meditation and its capabilities is largely ingorned in the Western world. It is so extraordinary that such a simple, convenient, practice is not accredited enough in our society. Not only does meditation provide enlightenment and self-discovery, there are several medicinal remedies as well. Doctor H.L Dhar has proven through various studies that meditation works as an anti-aging medicine and is “guarateneed to reduce overall illness” (Dhar, 2008).  Another study found strong evidence for “the effectiveness of the mindfulness in meditation, preventing relationship distress” (Carson, 2003). In each study, whether psychologically or medically, meditation is significant in increasing happiness and overall well being for any individual.

As previously mentioned, it is a shame that our Western culture hasn’t adopted or become comfortable with the idea of meditation. Frankly, I believe society, as a whole doesn’t exercise spirituality enough at all. Not only spirituality, simply mere mental health seems to be greatly undervalued in our culture. While doing my research I came across a statement that really struck a chord with me, “When one attains enlightenment in meditation, the reality of this self is uncovered in a intuitive and nondiscursive way, and it is seen that this self is both always here-and-now and always changing” (McDaniel, J.B.) My biggest struggle in my day to day life and journey on self-enlightenment is trying to focus on “now”. I find that I am constantly looking for something to hold onto; a new challenge, a new opportunity, something more. I have learned about myself that I do need to focus much more on the present and really try to diminish my attachments. This statement really encompasses that while you must acknowledge change, it is equally important to focus on the present.

In our lecture, Robert Miller talked about being mindful in the present while engaging in skillful thinking. He suggested that, “engaging in healthy thinking can be very positive for every individual” and when discussing meditation he referred to healthy thinking as “generating a higher state of consciousness”. At the time I wasn’t able to interpret the definition of higher consciousness or understand what it entailed. However, since the class I have taken up Kundalini Yoga at a wellness studio in the CBD and have finally discovered what Robert meant when talking about higher consciousness. I have practiced yoga for a few years, but haven’t experienced a genre like Kundalini before. Kundalini yoga specializes in meditation and the mindfulness of breathing. It is a spiritual yoga that especially practices the discipline of clarity and consciousness. Kundalini yoga is much more mentally challenging than any other yoga I have practiced. I truly have experienced a higher consciousness and clarity through just a few weeks of steady practice. I find that I have a great sense of calm after I meditate and am able to interpret life slightly differently than the hour before. To be honest, I hadn’t realized how much of an effect the meditation and yoga had on my lifestyle until my instructor, due to uncontrollable circumstances, cancelled one week of classes. That particular week I lacked in energy, my stress levels were maximized, and I was really having a difficult time making and dealing with important decisions in my life. I was questioning my own judgment and analyzing previous life decisions I have made.  The only element outside the “norm” of my regular schedule was not having any yoga or meditation that week. I recognized and felt the difference in my outlook and clarity when I wasn’t meditation in comparison to when I was. That self-discovery is what led me to write my essay around Buddhism and meditation.

Overall, I have become my own real-life example of how meditation absolutely increases my happiness and fulfillment. Meditation has genuinely helped me to channel my energies and refocus them. I have learned that Buddhism is not simply a religion or set of beliefs, but a way of life. I have gained a new appreciation and respect for Buddhist philosophies, and have been actively trying to develop and practice a Buddhist lifestyle everyday.  

Thank God for Indonesia

Its been over a month since I’ve written, shame on me. Not much as changed as far as school, work, and Melbourne in general. However, I have gone through some other “life” changes myself since I’ve written last.

First things first – BALI! Right after my last entry, I went to Indonesia for 10 days, and it was the best. We spent a LOT of time sightseeing, and checking things off of my to-do list. And if any of you know me well enough, you know I have a million lists, so that took about 5 days. Then we spent the last 5 days playing the vacation game. 
Much need R&R, along with some spiritual and mental cleansing. Not to mention full body massages were $7 at most, and to hire a driver for the day was $40 for 10 hours. My birthday was our third day in Bali, and I picked the most action-packed tour I could find. We went snorkeling, to turtle island on a glass bottom boat, white-water rafting, dinner on the beach, and 2 hours at the spa! Maybe even snuck in a nap in between, but overall was a great, great day. The weather in that country,.. unexplainable. Just perfect, especially compared to the days in Melbourne. The last three days of our trip were spent on the Gili Islands, which was pure paradise. 
There are no motor vehicles allowed on the islands, so you get around by bike, walking, or horse carriages! Lovely! We spent three days lounging on the beach, snorkeling the clear blue ocean, and sipping on $2 double vodkas. Even writing this now brings me back, makes me so happy inside! Sometimes I go to the pool in our apartment building, and just float .. because all I did in Bali was float. Thanks to my photographic memory, I can close my eyes and see the exact same beaches I floated on in Indonesia. Being there just brought me mentally to a whole different world. It was inspiring, and definitely cleansed my soul. The temples were illuminating, and just cleared me right up.

After I got back from Bali, we were graced with 2 beautiful days in Melb., again back to “winter” again. The boys and I (along with the other people we went with), all got sick for the next 1-2 weeks after. Apparently, “Bali Belly” gets ya, and definitely got me. The shitty weather combined with sickness took me to a dark place for about a week. I have always known I was one with the sun, and I was terribly mistaken when I thought I had to fly around the world to get it.  It has made me realize though, how happy nice weather makes me.. and has become very influential in the post-graduation job search process. Now I know, must live south. SUN!. Becahse this place (Melbourne) is COLD. Like November cold. But then you may get one day every 6 that is beach weather, I don’t understand it. But, either way I had a semi-life crisis, and started to question what I am doing in Melbourne. I started devising different plans, and making more and more lists. Kenny had to bring me back to real life and open my eyes to all the beauty in the world around me, but it took some convincing. 


After some google-ing, Ive come to the conclusion that I am in the “negotiating” stage of my cultural experience. This is when you become anxious, pressured, and compare everything to home. Exactly what I am doing now. I knew it wasn’t homesickness, because I am not itching to go home .. just itching to get out of Melbourne. After digging myself into a hole of endless thoughts, I decided I need to pull myself out and get over it. How can I complain, when I’m doing what I’ve always dreamed?! I can’t. SO, I have decided to take all that anxious energy and find other places to direct it. I have started a serious yoga regime, two/three times a week. Kundalini yoga, it’s called. I’ve done many different types before, but nothing like this one. This type of yoga is considerably more advanced than ones I’ve done in the past and focuses more on breathing and meditation and concentration. It is exactly what I needed, and I am so happy to have found such a wonderful wellness center. The hardest part is not the physical for me particularly, but the concentration. The first class, I had a VERY hard time concentrating. We were supposed to be meditating, focusing on our body, breathe, spirit, all the goodness and truth. And I was thinking of what I had to do after the class was over, which way is the best way to get to the grocery store, what I will cook for dinner, how yummy it will be, etc etc etc etc etc. And it didn’t stop! By class number 4, I was REALLY trying to focus and not let myself spiral as per usual. I’m getting better, but it will take some work. I never realized how powerful yoga could be, and why I feel so wonderful after doing it – until now. My new instructor uses the yoga to help me understand better health and gives me life lessons without trying. Its amazing, to say the least.

So, I have been focusing more on MYSELF and this journey, growing as a person rather than anything that could make me anxious. I have started going to the fresh markets once a week, and cooking some reaaaally tasty meals and healthy. Fruits, vegs, fruits veg’s. Momma, I’m sure youre shocked reading all of this, me cooking and eating healthy. Of course I still eat my salt and vinegar EVERYTHING, just started choosing OatsnHoney instead of Cinnamon Toast Crunch if you know what I mean. I’ve also been working a lot. Well, not a lot compared to my slave Jack Astor’s days, but working in school as well as at the bar. Three nights usually at the bar, and school four days a week. I am slacking a bit though compared to the first half of the semester. It just occurred to me the other day that these grades don’t even count. As happy as I was getting all A’s (which I have been getting!!), I would rather dive into this self development and worldly experiences instead.

I have started planning our southeast asia trip, and our eastcoast trip. Maybe there is some sort of travel career path in my future? I love it! Both the planning and the travelling parts, obviously. After Indonesia, I realized I should’ve done a lot more research than I had. This time around, when we go to Asia for 8 weeks (Oh yeah, we decided 4 weeks wasn’t enough), we will spend less time wandering and more time relaxing.

So far this is what I’ve come up with ..

Fly from Melbourne to Singapore. – few days in Singapore

Singapore to Kuala Lumpar, Malaysia. – 5ish days

Kuala Lumpar to Phuket. – 1 or 2 week in Phuket, West Coast Islands

West Coast to East Coast Island hopping -1/2 weeks. Koh Phi Phi, etc.

East Coast to Cambodia – 1 week

Cambodia to Loas – 1 week

Loas back to NorthWest Thailand – 1 week

North Thailand to Bangkok – 1 week

I’m sure the plan with change A MILLION and one times, and I’m sure we will stop along the way and decide to go off the beaten road a few times.. but overall I am so excited about it!

EastCoast Australia trip isn’t AS exciting, but tropical and fun all the same. We are going to take 2/3 weeks to do the drive. And we are planning to rent another camper van! The Great Barrier Reef will be such a wonder, so we are planning on spending most of our time up there as well as on the Whitsunday Islands!

For now, those are the things I have to look most forward to. I will continue to better myself mentally and spiritually here, and then off to yet another adventure. Between Kenny and I, we are going to spend the next few months working 2 jobs each raking it all in – then off we go. The plan is to be home by early December with enough time and money to just take it easy for Christmas with our families. Kenny is the best man in a friends wedding in January, and the good news is – the wedding is in Jamaica! So we have been cordially invited, ha, and Jamaica will be the LAST stop before settling it down back in Toronto. I have 4 more classes, and Kenny will start his police-ing things, and all will be back to normal. I will graduate, and then WHO KNOWS!

Hopefully Tarik will still be in California, so I have an excuse to apply for jobs out there. Maybe Miami (so the girls can come visit me in Southbeach), maybe New York (and eventually buy a southern beach house for the winter), or maybe even just stay in good old Toronto. Close to most of my familia, all the Windsor sophias, everyone I love in Tdot, just the best! Oh the possibilities. Terrifying, but so exciting. Life.

Till Next time … 

Thank God for Easter and the vacation it brings us.

Hi Friends and Family!

I know its been a while, but I feel like its time for an update.
Its been about 2 months in this country and yesterday was the first time I realized... Im on the other side of the world. I will never be over here again. Whats the rush going home? I will miss the potato wedges and pots of beer too much.
So, Kbs and I talked about staying until December. It has been up in the air for a while now, but we are starting to make some serious plans. However ... I need some advice on how to go about all of this. The plan temporarily is staying here until September - making tons and tons of monies and then traveling.
October - New Zealand, then the Gold Coast, East Coast, and Great Barrier Reef. (Byron Bay, Brisbane, Cairns, Sydney again, Whitsundays)
November - Thailand and southeast Asia
December - Home!!
With a few weekends off to go to Darwin, Perth, Tasmania.

Whatcha think?
Also, im comfortable at work here and Im not the new girl anymore, which is nice. I have the same two shifts every week and am finally used to working until 5am. We are legally allowed to serve until 5 in the morning. If i stay for a few after work beverages, as we all know I like to do - I am walking home when the sun comes up at 7am. It's the weirdest thing.

Some more exciting news, Bali is in just 2 days! We are gone from April 8th - April 17th. We are going to stay in the touristy areas on a beach resort until April 11th, and then travel up the coast for the next two/three days, then back down for our last two days. Elephant Rides, Monkey Forests, Ocean floor walks, ATV's, White water rafting, hot springs and temples, boating ... sounds like a perfect vacation. I have been so consumed with Kennys birthday, well birthweek (he got a present every day of his birthweek - what a lucky man), that I forgot about my own! For Kennys birthday we went to dinner at the Melbourne casino (which is like a mini vegas) and then gambled some roulette. We won $100 dollars!! We were up $200 at one point, but weren't ready to walk away so fast. It was fun, other than the little monster I became when I was loosing. Now I know where these gamblers get it from.. my stomach was burning, ha! But, anywho .. my birthday is 4 days away! A Bali birthday, how does it sound? I am one happy girl . I cant wait to write everyone after my trip to see if it all panned out to my expectations. They are quite high, so maybe I have to tone it down a little. No - it will be amazing, regardless. And I've checked the weather! 87 and sunny all week.

As far as school goes - easy peasy. So different than Canadian University. Instead of being lectured at for three hours about nonsense that I could learn myself, I actually am being TAUGHT by my professors, imagine that! They know my name, and ask us questions and go over real life cases. Its amazing what the $5,000 a semester becomes - you just have to travel around the world to get a real education I guess.
Speaking of school, Im missing a few classes because of Bali - and coming back to loads of assignments due. I get back on Wednesday and have a 40% Finance final on Thursday, a 40% presentation on Friday, and a 40% paper due on Friday as well. Jebus! So I finished the presentation and now need to work on finishing that paper, arg.

So whilst in the down under, and it is sunny and beautiful outside, Tara needs to write a paper. Yucky.
I'd also like to take a moment and say my prayers to the Saputo Family. Its been 2 years already Nicho, and I miss you all the time! You inspired my travel abroad, I love you and hope you are safely resting. I thought about you a lot this week, xx.

Thank God for Easter Break.

Till Next Time...

Thank God for Music

Its been quite a while friends, I know. I have been living in Melbourne for almost a month now – seems crazy! I dived right in as soon as I go here looking for an aparment and finidng jobs and such that I didn’t enjoy the lovely weather as best as I should have. I only say that because since being here for a month I have experienced such a wide array of weather .. In Melbourne they say if you want the forecast, “look out the window”. Ha! Its so true. Somedays it feels like November, like late Autumn and really chilly. Other ways it is 97 degrees and you cant move without sweating. Ive never experienced anything like this. Because of these crazy weather conditions my allergies have been acting up and I’ve had an eye infection for almost a month now. After 3 optometrist visits, I am now taking eye stereoids – yeah, im a roidhead now. I have to put them in four times a day and have not been able to put contacts in for a full day in about 3 weeks. I have to say, I have been cheating a LITTLE bit. Being the four-eyed glasses girl hasn’t been me since grade 7, and I’m not about to let these glasses take over my life. I forgot how terrible it is to be a constant glasses wearer. Going to the gym is so much harder and you can forget about trying to see if its raining outside. Despite my four-eyed face, the stereoids have been working really well – and I’m hoping that I don’t have to take them for the whole prescribed 3 months. The doc said if it lasts longer than the 3 months, blindness is my eyes goes up 40% or something ridiculous like that. Blind at 22, sounds awesome ….

Speaking of 22, yeah I said it. It’s a premature statement because I still have about 30 days of my 21^st year left and I’d hate to discount 30 whole days of my life. BUT my birthday is April 10^th as most of you know, (or SHOULD!) and if you know me well you know that my birthday turns into a “birthweek”celebration of week long festivities. So, this year its exciting – not only because I don’t have to pray for the snow to be come – but because my school break is on my birthweek!!! Because of this god-given gift of a weeklong break on my  birthday, I decided the best way to spend it is in Bali. Ta da! So, even if I have to sell my soul to make it there, I will be spending the beginning of my 22^nd year in beautiful Denpasar, (hopefully)

What have I been up to for the past month, besides planning my birthweek? Well, Im glad to say I’ve been to ALL of my classes, except one. It’s only been two weeks – but this is the best I’ve done attendance wise since, well, EVER. As my University degree is dwindling down to the last 10 courses, I am beginning to have a new appreciation for education. Not only that, but it scares the shit out of me that I will be graduated in a year and have not much to show for it. That’s becoming very apparent.. all of the cramming and useless class choices I made aren’t really helping my confidence about my degree. However, the classes in Melbourne at this university are SO easy and much different than in Canada. In Canada my classes had anywhere from 50 to 500 people enrolled. Here, my biggest class is 100, and smallest is 8. Yes 8! And the class with 8 people is the best class I think I have ever taken. It has no relation to my program but is a class that is therapeutic for my soul. Sounds so weird to say, but we literally sit and talk about life for 3 hours a week and get credit for it. I think I would take this class even if I didn’t get credit. Oh, the class is called Philosophy and Happiness. Its very raw, and open and doesn’t  seem like a class at all actually. The first week we talked about “what is happiness?”. “What is pleasure versus happiness?” “What is real knowledge?” “Is there real knowledge at all?” We talk about perceptions and opinions of others, family, and death. The class brings out our most vulnerable, but I love it. My other classes are extremely boring when I compare it to this class. But, easy nonetheless. I ended up with Cost Accounting, Personal Finance, Philosophy and Happiness, Strategic Management, and Intro to Australian Society.

Intro to Australian Society is another interesting class. Another one that is nothing like classes in Canada. 40% of our course is made up of field trips and we had our first weekend retreat last weekend. About 30 of us got on a bus to the Grampians National Park about 3 hours north of Melbourne. We did a lot of sleeping and a lot of eating on the retreat, but I also learned a lot about the colonization of Australia. Boring, I know. But it was interesting to talk to the natives and hear about their history in person. We spoke to one aboriginal man that had been taken from his family when he was 10 by Europeans who took over Australia. Thousands of other children were taken from their families during that time. It was sad. But other than the sappy stuff, my favourite part of the trip was the wine tasting, obviously. I also really enjoyed the sheep farm and guess what, … I FOUND GOLD! Yep, I panned for gold and found a few beauteous nuggets. They even let you keep them, muahahahha. A family last week found $125,000 piece of gold, I just found a few little babies. But I have them in a little jar… maybe I will make some earrings or something. At night, the North Americans were teaching all the Europeans and Asian kids how to play flip cup.. we had a pretty solid 10 versus 10 game going for a while, then we got “sent to bed”. Why am I not surprised?  Anyway, that was my fieldtrip.

On to the more important things .. we still don’t have internet. Yes. This country has taken 3 weeks just to call us to “send the broadband request”. WTF. So, maybe by the time I leave here in 6 months I will have proper internet. That’s a long shot though. For the mean time I bought one of those sticks, but it doesn’t have enough memory for me to do anything remotely close to streaming or downloading, which is causing me to have severe reality tv withdrawals. Ive had to resort to actually BUYING tv shows and movies off of itunes, then gong to school to have internet to download them. Needless to ssay, Ive been spending all of my rainy days with my macbook watching episode after episode of The Bachelor. Im all caught up, so now just waiting for the season finale so I can decide which of the two “reality stars” ben chooses. I’d bet Courtney, but I don’t want to get shot for saying that.

Finally… our apartment is finally coming together. I bought some lovely couch covers, and Chris “borrowed” some sugar and other necessities from work. All we need is a few more chairs and we are set for all of you to come visit. I mean, you can come now – the couch is HUGE, but youll just have to eat your steak dinner on the floor .. hope you don’t mind. BAH. Our apartment is kinda far from most of my friends here.. but seeing as we live on the river, I can’t complain. In relation to Toronto for you Canadians .. its like living on Queens Quay and Bathurst and going to school at Dundas Square. Not far, just a streetcar and subway away. Or 25 minute walk. I like it. OH! And I forgot to mention that the Gym/Sauna, Pool and Hot tub, are on our floor! Floor 15. Which means I cant be a lazy, refusing-to-run, bum anymore. I have gone to the gym or swam laps in the pool almost every day! Granted its only max 1 hour of working out, with some breathers in between.. But let’s be honest. That’s more than I can say I’ve done since I went to Goodlife spinning classes with Shauna 5 years ago.  And I only went then because I couldn’t take watching smelly baby Samuel at the daycare for much longer (that’s for you Jenna B).

There not much more I can tell you. My bartending experiences here are interesting.. fun, but interesting. Who would ever know that when someone asks for lemonade, they mean sprite? Do you know what “squash” is, or “scotch and dry”, or a “pot” of beer, or? Yeah, I didn’t either .. which made my first day very difficult. It got a lot easier when I knew dry meant gingerale, and squash is pretty much bar lime and a pot is half a pint. Now its just the same as in Canada .. minus the fact I have to spend thirty seconds after someone orders staring at them to figure out what the hell they are saying. Also, martinis and cocktails here are the “it” drink, which is annoying. And god forbid someone asks for something normal like a cosmo or long island. Nope, they have to get all crazy with “espresso martinis” and such. Who in their right mind wants to mix espresso with booze and drink four of them at 2 in the morning. Australians, that’s who. These people are nuts. 15 shots of Bacardi 151 they order. 10 shots of Absinthe, or ABC’s (which is Bacardi 151 mixed with Absinthe). There is a reason that shit is illegal in Canada, you will die.

Anyways enough about the crazy bar life. Sometimes I walk around the city and it is so much like home. It really is another Toronto, just warmer (most days). School is the same, working is the same, day to day activities are the same. It makes me both happy and sad. Happy because it reminds me of home! But sad, because I am so far away that it is definitely NOT home .. and I wonder if I made the right choice in choosing Australia to come. Its such a similar culture that it seems silly to travel all this way for the same sort of lifestyle. I guess I will have to wait until Thailand and Asia to get my culture shock, and I can’t wait! I am the luckiest girl to be out her, living the dream. And have many more adventures planned. Skydiving soon, and Bali, and then in July the Great Barrier Reef. Im sorry to bore you all with my lame stories, I promise they will be more exciting in the future. Which reminds me, the three of us and a bunch of my friends from school, along with about EVERYONE in Melbourne are going to a festival on Sunday called Future Music Festival. Tickest are insane expensive, $160+tax each.. but I haggles with a guy and found them for 120 each. (I guess that’s why my four year degree talk me- how to negotiate). We went back and forth for days decided if that much money is worth the 12 hours of our lives the festival is. After careful deliberation we got our priorities straight … and decided to give up food for a week and spend our money instead, on a day o’ fun. The line-up will blow your mind… Swedish House Mafia, Fat Boy Slim, Skrillex, Jessie J, MGMT, Knife Party, Gym Class Heroes, The Naked & Famous, New Order, and so many more. Kurt Scanlan will be so jealous.. So will Alex and Ssica I think. I guess this is my version of the SanFran concert I missed, wah. So, we all have a few long nights of work tonight and tomorrow (hopefully not until 5:30am again), and then party time on Sunday. ALSO! Good news – Monday is a holiday. So  no school or worky for us… just a day to recover after our 12 hour rave on Sunday.

I hope my life decisions are making you guys proud.

Thank God for music festivals.

So much love.

Till Next Time …